


Depresso

by coraloudssssss



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Multi, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraloudssssss/pseuds/coraloudssssss
Summary: 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙪𝙣𝙣𝙮 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙨Where Kevin Moon, a member in a 11-Boy Group starts to have suicidal thoughts and even tries to harm himself.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Sangyeon, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	1. The Beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfic on here lmaooooOOoO I'm not new to writing but on here I am lol. 
> 
> I think this will have suicide mentions or even doings so you have been warned.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏

──────

Kevin would give it to you straight.

He was not okay.

He didn't realize it until now. Where the first suicidal thought popped up into his head. 

He was in a fanmeet as they're promotions for Reveal were ending soon. As one fan was trying to get his attention he zoned out. 

“Kevin?” She questioned.

“Oh! I'm sorry I was just...zoning out.” He smiled at her as he signed her phone case. “I hope you have a good day.” He said as she moved on to Hyunjae.

_That was so weird.._

_Why did I feel like killing myself?_

_Why am I even having these thoughts?_

_I'm not falling into a depression state am I?_

Yes, yes he was.

Once the boys got back to their form, they headed off to take showers. 

The hot water that hit Kevin's skin made him sigh in relaxation. It made him feel better.

But he also wanted to drown himself. 

He sighed trying to get the thoughts out of his head as he got out and got dressed. 

_I just wanna do harm, that's all..._


	2. Just Once...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙆𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙣 𝙜𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙧𝙖𝙯𝙤𝙧𝙨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide and maybe doings

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟐

──────

As Kevin gets out of the relaxing shower as he gets ready to go to the supermarket. 

This was only going to be one-time thing.

Or he thought it was...

“Hey! Kevin can you get us some lettuce while you're out?” Sangyeon asked. Kevin nodded as he headed out. He bought a couple of razors since they were all different colors.

He then made his way to vegetable section and bought lettuce as well as ice cream for the members.

As he returned to the dorms he made sure to separate what he got for himself. Cause if they found out, he would be dead.

“You're welcome for the ice cream!” Kevin yelled as the boys rushed to kitchen to get the ice cream.

_Only once, Kevin_

Well, let's just say that didn't happen.

As Kevin slowly cut open his skin on his arm and watched the blood leak over the sink he was so mesmerized in how much it didn't hurt him.

Why did it feel like everything was calming down and slowly the time down? Why did he feel like all the bad memories could go away?

He didn't realize how much he had done. 

Top of his arm was covered in red lines that were now bleeding. 

Once he came back to reality he realized what he did. “What did I just do...?” He dropped the yellow razor blade as he took a wet facecloth that had rubbing alcohol and put pressure on his arm to stop the bleeding.

It eventually stopped, they're now dried up. 

_my god what did I do!?_

_I said once and this is what happens!_

Kevin sighed and brought his sleeves down. Before heading out, Kevin made sure that all blood stains were gone.

“Hey Kev. You okay?” The angel-like voice appeared behind him.

_jacob_

The boy with the softest voice he has ever heard. Jacob made Kevin calm, he made him feel safe and not lonely.

He made Kevin, him.

But he knew he couldn't tell Jacob about this. He would flipped the hell out.

“Kevin? Kev? Dude?” Jacob waved his hand in front of Kevin's face as Kevin shook his head a little and nodded. “Yeah! Sorry, I'm just tired that's all..” Kevin gave the older a small smile as he went to his room.

The last thing that he wants on his mind is Jacob the person who makes his heart beat fast.


	3. Did He Find Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝙆𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide and maybe doings

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑

──────

Kevin will give it to you straight, once again.

He was not okay.

But did he tell anyone? No. He did not.

The excuse was he didn't want to be a burden, he didn't want to make people feel bad or make them go easy on him because he isn't mentally stable.

There was a time before he got into a depressed state, he was truly happy. Nothing to stop him at all. But it started to change once he realized the first suicidal thought in his head.

The members notice he was zoning out a lot more than usual. He would always say he's fine, when in reality he had cuts all up his arms.

One day he wore a long sleeve shirt but those sleeves would easily roll up so he was hesitant about a lot of things. But someone saw. 

Would you like to know who?

The angel boy, Jacob.

The first time he saw it he thought Kevin was drawing on himself as always. But once he got a clearer look his eyes widened.

“Jacob hyung? You okay?” Eric asked. 

Jacob's eyes were stuck on Kevin's sleeves. 

“Is there something wrong between you two?” Sangyeon looked at Kevin, who was confused, and Jacob. “Kevin...can you roll up your sleeves?” Jacob asked.

Everyone was confused and Kevin was panicking.

Jacob knew, and now there's no way escaping this.

“U-um why?” Kevin stuttered out. “I just...wanna see something.” Jacob was hesitant. What if it was just drawing marks?

“Kevin, are you hiding something?” Hyunjae tilted his head in confusion. 

Kevin shook his head “I...I need to go for a bit.” Kevin rushed out the door before Jacob could grab him.

_I'm caught_

_Fuck what do I do!?_

Kevin was surely ruined. His best friend probably found out about his lapses or when he went on fully panic attack mode or when he just wanted to die.

He sat at his desk cutting open his skin seeing the blood leak from his skin.

_Did he see me do it then?_

Kevin questioned himself multiple times, but never got the answer. 

He's been doing this for weeks now.

How could Jacob seen him do it?

Where did Jacob see him do it?

In the meantime he hid on top of the entertainment roof and sat there, trying to figure everything out. 

He needed to breathe, but he couldn't.

He felt numb inside, he felt as if he couldn't move his body from the edge, he felt as if he was trapped inside of a depresso mind, he would call it.

He was shaking, the thoughts that ran through his head made him on edge. He was...scared.

If they all found out, what would happen? Would he have to leave.

In the worse case scenario, would he have to take a break and have the fans worried. Would he have to listen to his mom ranting about him needing to be healthy and to feel alive?

He didn't want that. He didn't want any of that.

He just wanted to pretend he was fine. Even though it did hurt him, even though it kept him up all night, even though it made him unstable he wanted that.

_I don't want people to see the broken side of me._

_I don't want to feel a burden._

He thought as he wiped his tears that were running down his face and took one last breath as he walked back to his dorm.

Would they say anything. Would Jacob torture him for not telling him what was under his sleeves? 

What could happen? 

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, everything.


	4. My Thoughts...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin loses it

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟒

━━━ ━━━ ━━━ 

As Kevin headed back to his dorm he kept his hands in his jacket pocket.

He opened the door to the dorm and as he opened it, he saw everyone out of their rooms.

Fuck my life 

“Oh my god Kevin! We were so worried, we tried calling you but your phone was off! Are you okay!?” Haknyeon asked him. 

Kevin just smiled and nodded his head. “My phone was dead, I'm sorry.” He smiled at them as he headed towards the kitchen where Jacob grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside of his room.

“What's the matter Cob?” Kevin sat on his bed. “Kevin are you okay?” Kevin's eyes widened a bit as he tilted his head in “confusion”

“Yeah, Cob. What makes you say that?” Kevin asked. “Well, I just thought I saw something, like cuts on your arms. I guess it was drawing marks but you ran out the dorm when I asked so...I was just wondering.” Jacob sat beside him.

“Well, I'm fine! Perfectly normal, see?” Kevin gave him a small smile as Jacob was not buying it.

“Alright, then roll up your sleeves.” Jacob looked at how Kevin's face changed. “Cob, there's no reason to do it…” Kevin mumbled. 

“Well, I'm not buying this shit, so roll them up to make me believe.” Jacob's voice was cold.

Kevin's eyes widened at hearing Jacob curse. “Jacob, I…” Kevin trailed off.

“Just tell me Kev. If you tell me or show me, maybe I'll understand.” Jacob rubbed Kevin's knee.

Kevin just shook his head.

He can't tell Jacob. It would be upsetting and horrible.

“You... won't understand.” Kevin spoke. “What won't I understand Kev? I'm always here for you to talk to.” Jacob's eyes soften. “I'm trying so hard...to be okay and fine and all I want to do is...die.” Kevin whispered the last word as Jacob's eyes widened in fear as he stood up. “Cob?” Kevin questioned quietly. 

“Don't tell me... you've been harming yourself Kev?” Jacob kneeled in front of Kevin to see his face. 

“I'm trying so hard to block everything out and pretend everything is okay, but my thoughts... they're too loud and I try Jacob...I-I try so hard to not do it.” Kevin started to cry. Jacob hugged him as Kevin sobbed inside of his chest. 

Sangyeon and Juyeon walked in asking what was happening. Jacob told them to give him and Kevin a second.

“Look, Kevin. I'll be right back I promise, once I come back we can talk about this and I'll try to help you get through it...okay?” Jacob caressed Kevin's cheek as Kevin was just staring at the floor.

“Kevin?” 

Nothing

“Kev?” 

Again nothing.

“Baby~” Jacob sang in a sing-song voice. He likes to tease Kevin with this name.

Kevin's face flushed red as he looked at Jacob. “That seemed to get your attention? Hmm?” Jacob teased as Kevin's eyes widened and looked the other way. 

“Sorry, I was just zoning out…” Kevin mumbled. “It's fine. I'll be back. I'm gonna talk to Sangyeon and Juyeon for a bit.” Jacob ruffled the younger's hair.

Kevin nodded as Jacob walked out.

Now was his time if he wanted to end this quickly.

He would only have a couple of minutes at the max. He quickly got out his yellow razor blade and lifted up his sleeve. He was gonna cut his main vain, and just let it bleed until it couldn't anymore.

But something was holding him back, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. Although, he dreaded of killing himself. He wanted to do it, but his hands wouldn't move.

“Kevin!” Haknyeon screeched, seeing Kevin holding the razor blade to his wrist.

Everyone was now confused and walked to Kevin's room. Jacob's eyes widened as he saw new and scared up cuts on Kevin's skin.

Sometimes being depresso makes one bad espresso.


	5. I Didn't Mean To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin loses it

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟓

❝Kevin. Please put it down.❞ Jacob's soft voice reached Kevin's ears. 

Hearing Jacob's voice was like heaven. It calmed him down and made him feel sane again. 

But this time it did not.

“I was so worried about telling you guys...but honestly I don't care anymore.” Kevin's voice was filled with fake laughter.

He tried his hardest to pretend he was okay, but as you can see the wall he once had up is crumbling down. 

“Kev, listen to me. Put it down.” Jacob came closer to him as Kevin walked back against the window. 

“This will either go two ways Kevin. The hard way or the easy way.” Sangyeon stepped in, being a leader like he was he tried his best to make the younger put the razor blade down.

“Can you just let me die!? Why do you guys care so much about me? Honestly, I haven't brought anything to the team as far as the fans are saying, what else is there to lose?” Kevin laughed quietly. 

You could hear how broken he was.

How much he wanted to die.

“Hyung! You bring so much to the team! You bring us joy and your presence makes us happy! Why worry about what the fans say!?” Eric tried to use the happy things to distract Kevin.

“Then why do I feel like garbage!? Why do I feel so lost and confused!?” Kevin's eyes were now filled with confusion and lost. His eyes finally let the tears he was holding back for so long out. 

Kevin trembled with fear of being left alone, of being worthless to his members. All he wanted was to be the sunshine and rainbows. All he wanted was to make everyone's worries go away. 

But he couldn't even take his own worries away.

At the same time, Jacob knocked the razor blade out of his hands and hugged Kevin tightly, the younger finally broke down in the older's arms. 

Sangyeon picked up the razor before any of the younger ones picked it up. Thoughts of what could've happened appear in the leader's head. 

Jacob never had seen the younger like this, but he felt like the only thing he could've done was be there for comfort. “Kevin...why did you not say anything to me?” Jacob's hands traveled down to Kevin's waist, pulling him closer. 

“Because I don't want to be a burden. I don't want everyone to worry or always check up on me if I had any problems like this!” Kevin sobbed as Jacob felt a tap on his shoulder. Sangyeon made everyone leave and to calm everyone down, although it was hard seeing one of their members almost tried to take their life. 

“You got this?” Sangyeon asked as Jacob nodded, swaying side to side with the younger in his arms.

“Do you want to lay down and talk about it?” Jacob asked, the raven hair boy, feeling the small nod in the crook of his neck.

Jacob managed to get the younger to lay down beside him. Kevin felt like he was drowning still, but he was able to breathe a little, but his thoughts told him dangerous things.

“When did it all start?” Jacob didn't want to ask, but if he wanted to know what made the sunshine and rainbow boy all upset he had to. 

“A few months ago.” Kevin murmured in the older's neck.

“When we did our first Vlive after the No Air comeback?” Jacob asked, feeling the younger nod his head as the raven felt the soft angel pulling him closer. 

“I saw some of the comments and I just hoped you wouldn't pay attention to them.” Jacob sighed before continuing,“I'm sorry for not noticing. I should've asked but I didn't-” Jacob was cut off by Kevin's voice. 

“-Jacob, it's completely fine. I promise.” 

It became silent between the two. Which neither of them minded, they actually liked when they had alone times like this, because being each other's arms made them feel safer. 

Jacob smiled and rubbed the younger's back until Kevin drifted off to sleep.

Sangyeon eventually walked in, wanting to know what happened, if Jacob had that info.

“He's sleeping?” Sangyeon asked sitting on the bed. “Yeah, he is. I knew something was up.” Jacob sighed, removing his hand from raven's back. 

“How could we not notice?” Sangyeon mumbled, getting upset that they failed to realize what the younger was going through. 

“Sangyeon, calm down. I get it we're all in shock but at least we have him, and he's safe, well hopefully he'll be.” Jacob's hand traveled back to Kevin's waist, bringing him closer. 

“You have him, Jacob.” Sangyeon chuckled as Jacob looked confused as hell. 

_What's that supposed to mean?_

But nevertheless Jacob asked,

“I...have him?” Jacob titled his head at Sangyeon. 

“How can you not get what I'm trying to imply here? You guys are whipped for each other. Like, do you not realize how you're holding him right now?” Sangyeon laughed quietly, seeing Jacob's face turned red all over.

Sangyeon was right.

Kevin was snuggled into Jacob's chest as their legs intertwined with each other and Jacob constantly tried to pull Kevin closer to him.

Jacob was definitely whipped for Kevin.

“My god.” Jacob sighed, hearing Sangyeon laugh all over again. This was embarrassing, how could Jacob push away his feelings to a certain extent that he didn't even realize he was whipped for the moonlight boy!?

“You just realized what I was talking about!? Jacob you're slow!” Sangyeon laughed at the younger..

“I just thought friends were this close! I never thought…” Jacob trailed off as he felt Kevin stir a bit. 

“Can you guys shut up?” Kevin mumbled as he snuggled into Jacob's neck, which made the older even more flustered as the teasing didn't stop. 

Sangyeon laughed and ruffled Jacob's hair, leaving the two love birds in peace. 

“You're up again?” Jacob asked, feeling the younger nod his head, the angel's eyes closed tightly, biting his lip in the process, hoping the younger didn't hear the conversation.

“How long?” Jacob questioned. “Just now...I heard you guys laughing...what was it about?” It was Kevin's turn to ask a question now. 

“Um - I -It was nothing.” Jacob stuttered out as Kevin got up a bit just to give Jacob a “really face.” the younger smirked and sat on the older's waist, to tease him.

“It must be something if you're stuttering Jacob. You know you can't hide stuff from me.” Jacob laughed sheepishly and avoided the raven's look.

“It's just something stupid! I promise I-” Kevin laughed at Jacob's red face and cut him off. “-You're blushing Jacob, what did he even say to you to make you all red!?” Jacob smiled at the younger's laughter. 

He was glad Kevin was laughing, but he knew it would quickly turn into bad thoughts as a person with, he guess, a depression disorder, it doesn't go away that quick.

Kevin got tired of sitting up, so he decided to snuggle back into the older's neck, and of course the older didn't mind one bit.

“How is everyone?” Kevin asked knowing the response wouldn't be good.

Jacob sighed calmly, answering the younger's question, “After what happened I would say shaken up a bit, well a lot.” The raven just made a hum noise, feeling upset he had caused so much trouble and trauma for the others.

“Sorry, it just happened. I didn't mean for it to happen my thoughts were too loud and I...and I just thought in the moment that if I did it everything would go away.” Kevin rambled on, it wasn't like he wanted to die, but all the negativity, the consistent feeling like he wasn't good enough made his brain spiral down in that direction.

“Kevin, calm down. No one is mad at you for doing this, yes we're upset that you were hiding this and feeling this way for a long time, but we're right here for you and you only. We don't care if the fans say some stupid shit about you being this or whatnot. We care about you being true to yourself making sure you're okay.” Jacob sat the two of them up, cupping the younger's cheeks.

The raven let out a small nod, he did truly understand but he pushed away the feelings of realizing he wasn't okay and tried to be happy, like he always does.

“Can we…” Kevin started out his sentence but felt embarrassed to continue.

Jacob tilted his head, urging the younger to continue on.

“Hm? What is it?” 

“Can we... just- you know um - snuggle for the rest of the day…” The younger felt heat in his body, why was it so embarrassing to ask to cuddle this time. They do it all time, so it was a question the younger couldn't get out of his head.

The older smiled and nodded, that's what he wanted to do in the first place. 

The two of them just laid there in complete silence, basking in each other's warmth, wishing nothing could get in the way.

But Kevin's mind was dangerous as his dangerous thoughts told him dangerous things.


	6. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The raven hair boy has a nightmare

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟔

Trapped.

Where was Kevin?

He was sleeping and now he was here, locked in a cellar with no one there to help him. They left him to die. They left him to be forever alone. All he wanted to do was to make everyone laugh and have a good time.

“What the hell? Where....where am I?” The younger questioned himself, where he was.

His nose scrunched up and tried to dismiss the aching feeling in his stomach and head. It was like he was going to explode. He felt sick. He heard things that he never wanted to hear. It was his thoughts that were in the back of his mind. He pushed them away so much they came back to haunt him. The dream wasn't feeling so sweet. 

_**You always fixed others and left me behind.** _

_**You always pushed me away and now I'm going to get what I wanted.** _

Kevin shook his head, tugging on the chains that held him back. He didn't mean to, but pushing how he felt made him forget the bad things. He wanted to forget those bad things. 

_**You never gave me enough time to heal. You never fixed me!** _

_**You left me to suffer on my own, thinking that I could handle it.** _

The raven boy closed his eyes tightly, now making bruises on his arms from tugging to much. He wanted everything to go away, he felt his chest get tighter , his body was feeling more numb by the minute. He felt like he was burning in a fire.

_**You will die. Moon.** _

Kevin woke up, coughing immediately. His lungs never grasped for air like this, but he couldn't breathe. Tears streamed down his face, wanting to tear down his wall and crumble again. He then felt the angel shift beside him.

“Kebbie? What's the matter?” Jacob was still laying down but his hand was on the back of the younger's back, comforting anyway possible.

Tears couldn't stop rolling down his face, his hands shakingly touched his throat, finally being able to take in breaths. He didn't respond to the older. 

“Nightmare?” Jacob sat up, continuing to rub the younger's back. The raven only nodded his head and grabbed his head.

“Jacob please make it stop. It's hurting too much.” Kevin whimpered out, in the hopes that if he clutched his head everything would go away. The pain, the fear, most thing of all, his feelings.

The discomfort he felt, the pain that kept jabbing his body. He wanted to be so done.

“Hey, don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself Kev.” The older took the younger's hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the soft ones. 

The younger finally let his sobs that were kept in for a while out. It was pathetic he said, he felt like he had to rely on someone to take care of him. To distract him.

That's all he wanted was to be distracted from the bad things.

“Kev, look at me. Breathe. Just breathe with me.” 

Jacob cupped the raven's cheeks, making the younger look at him. He finally started to produce breaths like a normal human would. The older frowned, wiping the never ending tears from the raven's cheeks.

“Shh. Stop crying, you're safe. You're with me, I won't let you go.” Jacob, feeling the younger nuzzle in his hands, finally being able to relax his brain. Jacob was able to tangle his fingers in the raven's hair, giving it a little massage, to calm down the younger even more.

The two maintained eye contact with each and just sat there in comfortable silence before Kevin closed his eyes. This made the older speak up, “Tired again?”

The raven head whispered a tiny 'no' but in reality he was. He just didn't want to face another nightmare or even worse a sleep terror.

The older pulled the younger on top of him and continued to play with his head. “Yeah, you are silly. Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up if you start squirming in your sleep again.” The younger opened his eyes.

“I was squirming?”

The older nodded his head, “I felt you moving your hands, I guess that was part of your nightmare?” Kevin nodded his head slowly, it went back to comfortable silence before the raven boy gave out a response.

“I was...trapped.” He whispered, it made the older stop playing his hair, which resulted in the younger whining quietly. “Why did you stop?” 

Jacob smiled to himself, he loved when Kevin was like this to him and him only. Whenever they were alone Kevin became a clingy person and showed much more affection to him. 

“...You were trapped? By what?” Jacob questioned, as he continued to play younger's hair, hearing him sigh in content. This boy really loved affection.

“Mmm.. I don't really know...I just - my thoughts were telling things I didn't...um....want to hear.” The raven murmured into the older's neck. 

Jacob didn't want to push the younger any further, but he did give a gentle squeeze letting the younger know that he was listening. 

Kevin was okay in the moment.

Jacob was his distraction, he could forget everything when he was with the older, but he knew he wasn't okay.

And there was more to come. . . 


	7. Let Go. . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the two males wake up and well. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! another update I hope you guys enjoy : ) comments are always appreciated! let me know what you guys think!

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟕

* * *

The sunlight crept onto the boys’ faces, making one of them stir a bit before waking fully up to feeling someone on him.

The raven was in deep sleep. The sunlight couldn't even wake him up for god sakes. Though the older enjoyed hearing the younger's soft snores, no squirming, it was him sleeping peacefully and that's what the older had wanted.

It soon turned into quiet laughter, hearing the younger speaking some nonsense in his sleep, a mix of Korean and English together, and then the next thing the raven boy had said made Jacob's heart melt.

“...Snuggle me please…” 

At first, the older had thought Kevin was actually awake, nope, he was still sleeping. 

Yet Jacob did secure his arms around the moonboy's waist, giving him a gentle squeeze on his hip, which is where it became disastrous.

Kevin shot up, feeling someone's hands on his hips made him feel like he was trapped again. 

He never wanted to feel that way.

“Let go, let go, let go of me!” Kevin shut his eyes tightly, thoughts occurred in his head. The things he didn't want to hear were inside of his brain. The older's eyes widened and immediately let go of Kevin. 

Kevin immediately backed up, hitting the wall behind him, the salty tears ran down the squishy cheeks of his.

“Kev…” Jacob sat up to be able to look at the younger fully, the raven didn't look at him, he wiped the tears on his face and paid no attention to the older.

“Please...just don't...don't look at me right now.” Kevin would call himself a mess right now if he could. He let his best friend see that, does the older know how embarrassing it is to let your best friend see you like this?

“It's my fault, Kevin...I shouldn't have squeezed you, knowing you were sleeping…” Jacob looks down, regretting waking the younger up.

It was now silence, not comfortable nor awkward just silence between the two and Kevin's sniffles.

“...Was I squirming again? Is that why you touch me?” Kevin made sure to calm down before looking at the older again, who's gaze was on him.

“No... it's just…” Jacob trailed off, he didn't want to bring up what the younger was talking about in his sleep. It would just make the whole situation more awkward.

“Just what?” The raven tilted his head, his messy hair covered a little bit of his eyes, and Jacob couldn't handle looking at the younger anymore.

He was just too cute. 

“The thing you said...I guess? This is really embarrassing…” The older covered his face, as the younger's eyes widened, thinking the wrong way.

“Did I...er- Jacob you're making me think the dirty way!” Kevin was flustered a little too much for his liking. Did he really have a wet dream? He hoped he didn't not in a time like this. The younger knew he didn't because, well, his dream consisted of fluffiness.

He knew if Jacob said yes, he would die probably faint and somehow would make his way off the bed. 

“What!? No! No! Oh god no Kevin you didn't!” Jacob laughed at the embarrassment of the younger. Kevin felt tiny now, he couldn't stop his heart racing. 

_Why would I say that!?_

The poor raven wanted to be so done. 

“You were just being cute and hilarious while you were sleeping.” Jacob giggled, looking at Kevin who was laying down, covering himself with a pillow wanting to scream. Though he didn't because he didn't want to wake up anyone although they probably already did.

Kevin took the pillow off of his face as he met the look of the older already staring at him with his sweet brown eyes like he was already pinning the younger down. Kevin was lost in his eyes.

“Why a-are...are you staring at me like that?” 

Oh jeez, here we go again. The feeling of the older eyes made Kevin feel like he was drowning. It wasn't a look that would make the person feel creeped out however it's a look that made the younger fall more for the older.

Jacob just smiles at the younger and lay back down face to face with him. The raven tried to avoid the angel’s look but he couldn't. It was hypnosis, he thought. He _legit_ thought it was hypnosis.

“Why are you staring back?” Jacob grinned now at the wide-eyed boy, the moonlight boy didn’t know what was happening, he was sitting against the wall on his bed wiping his tears and now he's under the gaze of the delicate angel boy. 

What were they doing? Kevin didn't say anything. Blank. A piece of paper that showed nothing on it. The moonlight boy didn't know what was happening when Jacob hovered over him. 

Time was moving fast for the poor boy. Being submissive as it is, he watched the older in shock, moreover, his nerves kicked in. Not bad nerves but exciting ones, okay wait. It wasn't really exciting, he was anticipating the next movements of the angel.

“You seem scared. You know I'm not gonna hurt you right?” The soft boy's voice made Kevin come back to reality. His thoughts question him.

_What were they doing?_

“I- er. What are we doing today?” The raven changed the topic before anything more could happen. Jacob sighed, his body gently collapsing onto the younger. He snuggled into the younger's neck that was now more exposed for the older to nuzzle in.

Even if the moonlight boy changed the subject, his heart wouldn't calm down. If the angel hears it he's doomed. Jacob was too close and it was making Kevin nervous about what the older would pull next.

The angel boy wasn't the guy to initiate things like this, but with the raven, he felt like he could and Kevin _would_ let him. There's no doubt about it.

“Calm down Kev.” Jacob's breath ghosted the raven's neck, making the younger shiver. The angel could hear how fast the younger's heartbeat was going. He knew he wasn't going to pull anything that the younger didn't like. Although Jacob wants Kevin _badly_ at times he's willing to wait.

“Sorry…” The moonboy apologized, his nerves kept getting the best of him. Kevin is not the type of person to accept a lot of affection when he's not on camera. Only with Jacob he sorta allowed when they first met, it completely changed afterward. They're always hugging, cuddling, or something that involves them touching.

At first, it was weird for the younger to accept his feelings, he never thought that he would be interested in Jacob more than a friend, still, he pushed away his feelings for the older. This makes it difficult for the soft boy to talk to him at times.

“We're taking a couple of weeks off, the manager thinks we need it,” Jacob answered the question that's been on the younger's mind.

After what happened yesterday, Kevin felt bad he caused all of the ruckus. If he could've held off a little bit more, maybe everything would go as he wanted it to.

_This is my fault._

_You should've waited a little bit longer._

Kevin's thoughts occupied him up, not hearing anything else. 

“Kev?” The soft boy felt how the younger tensed up when his nickname was called. The look of relaxation on his face quickly changed to an expression of concern for the meme boy. 

“What's been throwing you off?” Jacob questioned the raven head. He went up against Kevin's shirt and gently caressed the side of the younger's stomach, feeling the angel's cold fingers on his bare side, which made him shiver. Kevin was once again snapped back in reality.

The raven shook his head softly and sighed before mumbling a tiny 'nothing' which caused more concern for him. 

"You know I'm here for you, right?" Jacob squeezed the younger's hip gently trying to reassure the younger that it's okay to let him know about anything that was on the raven's head. Kevin let out a hum letting the older know that he heard him.

The comfortable silence continued as the two males laid on the bed as Jacob kept calming the younger down when he got tense for no reason. The angel started to get concerned once again.

He wanted to know what the raven was thinking. Yes, Kevin is a person who keeps to himself and didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking. He wanted to be there for anyone and that pushed the moonboy's feelings and thoughts away. 

Once he gets to his dorm he's reminded of how much he suffers by not telling anyone anything. It's concerning for the whole team. When they see Kevin be quiet, which he usually isn't, they all know he's in deep thought but they don't know his deep thoughts are dangerous like his nightmares.

“Kev...please tell me what's going on. You're spacing out and getting all jumpy…" The older nuzzled his face into the younger's shoulder feeling Kevin's body relax again.

“... I'm just deep in thought... that's all.” The hushed voice spoke. His voice sounded loud to them since everything was silent. 

“Deep in thought? Kevin, you're not fooling me.” The older now sitting beside the lying figure. The younger smiled and let out a small chortle.

Jacob sees through everyone. When someone is taking something he easily figures out that they're lying. It became easier when he listened to everyone's problems or overthinking thoughts.

“Mmm...yeah deep in thought. I guess you can say. Just…” the raven boy stopped himself. He didn't want to talk about his nightmares or sleep terrors he's been getting recently.

The older moved a piece of hair out of the raven's face. Kevin saw how the angel pouted his lips and it made him feel really guilty. Jacob really wanted to know what was going on with Kevin. He couldn't help him if he didn't know anything.

“Just what? You know I won't judge you...right?” The pouting boy traced over Kevin's neck making the younger's breath hitch. It felt soothing to the raven boy, though it tickled he closed his eyes.

“I know you won't judge me...but I don't want to burden you...I guess." Jacob's finger lifted up Kevin's face a bit. The younger opened his eyes to find the older furrowing his eyebrows. 

“I listen to everyone's problems or some random ass thoughts. Why would you feel a burden to tell me yours?”

Of course, Kevin would feel a burden to Jacob. He wanted people to be able to lean on him not the other way around.

Kevin sighed and turned away from the older. If he keeps seeing Jacob's pouting lips he's gonna spill everything. And I mean _everything._

“Kebbie!" The angel boy tickled the sides of Kevin. The laughter that spilled out of the younger's mouth made the older smile. Although it was 7 am he was sure that everyone would stay asleep due to them being heavy sleepers.

The secured arms wrapped around the younger pulling him between his legs. The angel's face nuzzled into Kevin's shoulder once again.

“Tell me.” Jacob somewhat said in a demanding tone. The raven boy froze, Jacob never gets like this. Only when he wants to know, and _truly_ know what someone is thinking. 

“...L-Like I said, it's just…nightmare stuff…that's all.” Kevin felt tiny against Jacob's body. The raven boy felt vulnerable at that moment. 

The angel let out a hum, traveling his hands up the moonboy's shirt feeling Kevin's toned stomach. The raven boy didn't know what was happening. Hell, he even gripped the angel's hands to stop him from traveling even higher or lower.

“Jacob...please stop before this gets out of hand…” Jacob laughs into the shy raven boy's shoulder. The poor boy was red in the face. Feeling Jacob's cold hands made him melt into the older's. 

“What do you think I'm doing Kev?” Hearing the giggle that came out of the older made Kevin whine he was embarrassed. His hands gripped the older's hands tighter. 

“I don't know…” The moonboy whispered, letting go of the older hands. 

Once the older removed his head from the younger's neck Kevin leaned his on Jacob's shoulder. He was getting _way too comfortable._

“You're clingy…” Jacob sighed, seeing the younger closing his eyes. 

“And…?” 

“And it's driving me crazy”

Kevin's eyes opened up looking straight into the angel's.

“C...crazy? Like how?” Kevin stammered out. Oh shit, he's getting _too_ comfortable.

“Mmm. You decided that for yourself. Although, I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.” The older teased feeling the warmth of Kevin's body. 

Kevin, not being able to tear his eyes off of the older, kept looking at him. He once closed them when he felt the breath of the older against his neck. 

Kevin let out breathless gasp feeling the older kiss on his neck, traveling down to his collarbone before nipping at it gently. 

The raven boy sucked in his breath when Jacob tugged harshly on the younger's skin. The older giggled feeling Kevin's hands on his, holding the older's tightly. 

The angel boy traveled to the middle of his neck before he decided to pull away. Jacob nuzzled his face between the younger's shoulders feeling embarrassed of the stunt he just pulled. 

“Why are you embarrassed?” Kevin raised his eyebrow, hearing the older whined. They were both embarrassed but it got Kevin to stop thinking about whatever he was thinking about.

“You'll have to cover those…” Jacob mumbled feeling ashamed that he placed a _couple_ of hickeys on the boy's neck and collarbone. 

Kevin nodded his head as he closed his eyes enjoying the silence between the two of them. 

“Mmm…wake me back up, not _squeezing_ me this time, when something happens.”

Jacob chuckled and laid back down with Kevin only to be on his phone playing a game.

Right now. Jacob is his distraction.

But how long will it take to break Kevin again?


End file.
